i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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