Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
