She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize