I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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