Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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