I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
