Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I AM VODKA MAN
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
