I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
