Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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