the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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