I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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