Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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