it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
