I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize