Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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