You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
