I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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