I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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