Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize