She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
