He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i came on her dog
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
