i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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