I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
