nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
