Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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