I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
