I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
