your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
