I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
