your parents love me but you hate me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
