My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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