ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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