3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
