Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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