Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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