Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
