were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your cock deserves a montage
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Randomize
