hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she peed on how many people?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
