Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now