Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!

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  (212): Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did! http://tfl.nu/gcyx
  Replies (26) Good night (3969) Bad night (698)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about

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  (620): I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about http://tfl.nu/33to
  Replies (23) Good night (758) Bad night (4466)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

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  (307): if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself. http://tfl.nu/s9we
  Replies (64) Good night (1921) Bad night (4822)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Colt 45 out of anything is classy.

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  (704): I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy. (919): Colt 45 out of anything is classy. http://tfl.nu/9zxf
  Replies (17) Good night (4518) Bad night (837)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

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  (484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f
  Replies (26) Good night (11168) Bad night (1106)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"

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  (617): it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast" http://tfl.nu/sn1x
  Replies (11) Good night (1955) Bad night (3064)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car

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  (713): Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car http://tfl.nu/eifp
  Replies (11) Good night (3524) Bad night (1122)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game

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  (401): You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game http://tfl.nu/zcqx
  Replies (3) Good night (2623) Bad night (818)
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  (619): View more from California

  found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.

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  (619): found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham. http://tfl.nu/ri7m
  Replies (15) Good night (2708) Bad night (1335)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??

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  (250): WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT?? http://tfl.nu/ty5z
  Replies (9) Good night (1180) Bad night (3959)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.

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  (336): Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car. http://tfl.nu/8ezv
  Replies (11) Good night (1891) Bad night (915)
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  (760): View more from California

  I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"

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  (760): I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND" http://tfl.nu/svwt
  Replies (4) Good night (1524) Bad night (658)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...

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  (706): Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something... http://tfl.nu/hryz
  Replies (4) Good night (465) Bad night (740)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns

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  (602): It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns http://tfl.nu/skwr
  Replies (3) Good night (664) Bad night (242)
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  (310): View more from California

  I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.

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  (310): I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed. http://tfl.nu/5cad
  Replies (4) Good night (1047) Bad night (203)

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