Texts From Last Night

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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  my soul wont recognize me after tonight

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  (857): my soul wont recognize me after tonight http://tfl.nu/7s35
  Replies (3) Good night (1828) Bad night (636)
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  (845): View more from New York

  so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....

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  (845): so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again.... http://tfl.nu/lj9p
  Replies (22) Good night (851) Bad night (5648)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.

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  (239): You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house. http://tfl.nu/7m77
  Replies (8) Good night (4085) Bad night (813)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.

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  (505): Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath. http://tfl.nu/rm8d
  Replies (12) Good night (2845) Bad night (673)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.

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  (+44): Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/pdfz
  Replies (7) Good night (1748) Bad night (563)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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  (772): Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish http://tfl.nu/fyel
  Replies (9) Good night (2264) Bad night (619)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.

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  (704): And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control. http://tfl.nu/cnqj
  Replies (18) Good night (2301) Bad night (1015)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.

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  (573): Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home. http://tfl.nu/anic
  Replies (8) Good night (538) Bad night (1561)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.

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  (320): I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years. http://tfl.nu/ge1t
  Replies (2) Good night (1004) Bad night (1271)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window

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  (309): well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window http://tfl.nu/010r
  Replies (12) Good night (489) Bad night (982)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.

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  (330): There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists. http://tfl.nu/kdms
  Replies (4) Good night (305) Bad night (776)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.

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  (864): There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success. http://tfl.nu/houh
  Replies (3) Good night (856) Bad night (341)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can't find our DD

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.

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  (919): Can't find our DD (1-919): He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door. http://tfl.nu/0qwm
  Replies (4) Good night (1074) Bad night (215)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.

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  (512): Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort. http://tfl.nu/chyw
  Replies (2) Good night (415) Bad night (259)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  …If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car

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  (757): I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car. (1-757): …If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car http://tfl.nu/ri5o
  Replies (3) Good night (351) Bad night (630)

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