what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.