I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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