You smell like stripper and shame
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
