dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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