They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
