I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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