At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
