And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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