At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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