the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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