im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
50% drunk capacity currently
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
