i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
