can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If I die, sorry about rent.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
