if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I looked at my own cervix.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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