her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
