Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
