and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
