I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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