saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
